Author: Sarah Reid

Meet Taetz

Posted on November 18, 2019

This is the fourth in a series of posts about the battle against poverty, your role in the battle, and some of your allies in the fight. See first post. See next post.

NAME: Taetz, M.

Alias: “Hibachi Slim”

D.O.B: 05/94

LOCATION: Roanoke, VA

PSYCH EVAL: Experienced family trauma in youth. Wary of the past, but optimistic and engaging. Hates to sit still.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION: Tall, brown eyes, black hair that he keeps in a ponytail.

ABILITIES: Sense of adventure combined with great ability to improvise; makes a perfect carbonara sauce; loving father to two sons.

DETAILS OF CASE

Taetz was born in Roanoke, Virginia. After a brief stint in XXXXXXXX, he moved back to Roanoke at age 14. The father of two sons, XXXXXXXXXXX and XXXXXXXXX, Taetz is highly motivated to overcome the desertion of his father, who left when he was young. His mother, who according to firsthand reports was a “raging alcoholic who put her problems on everyone else,” added to his childhood instability.

Taetz grew up having to navigate the thin line between boyish mischief and delinquency without the benefit of supportive parents. He earned his nickname, Hibachi Slim, after playing basketball with his friends one afternoon when they decided to XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, at which point Taetz XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. The matter was resolved with little harm done. That same quick thinking, sense of humor, and ability to improvise have found good use in his current environment in the YouthBuild program. Agent E, TAP’s YouthBuild commander, refers to Taetz as a “free bird.”

Taetz has worked hard to turn the corner on his past. In recent debriefings, he stated that without his feeling of responsibility to be an example for his kids and without coming to TAP, “I would be dead. It was to the point where too much was going wrong.” Now he is eager to make an impact in his community, and he hates sitting still when he could be doing something helpful. Recent training missions include installing handrails and building a shed for community members who required his expert assistance.

Because he knows what’s at stake, he is fearless when it comes to making big life moves. He knows his kids are watching him and learning from him each day: “If I don’t get it, my kids might not get it.” As Agent E also noted, being a “free bird” does not come without the downside of being occasionally blown off course. However, at TAP Taetz has practiced keeping his stability, as well as harnessed the other skills and interests he always had. He is currently planning to enroll in culinary school upon graduation from TAP.

Taetz has the perfect skillset and attitude to be a great father, valued community member, and a critical part of your team.

ENEMY: Tumult

Tumult is all around us. It comes up fast and obliterates our sense of the horizon like a hurricane wind. It keeps its subjects off-balance once it has them in its vortex and uses chaos and demoralization to prevent the subjects from effectively deploying their resources. It fosters exhaustion, desperation, and poor decision-making to keep its stranglehold on the subject.

NOW

Taetz’s current/upcoming missions include finishing his GED and attending culinary school, with a roadmap to opening his own restaurant. 

Taetz is on the road to success, thanks to the help he received through TAP. Your role in the battle against poverty is to contribute help to people like Taetz, however you can. A great place to start is by making a donation to TAP below.

Meet Sirois

Posted on November 18, 2019

This is the third in a series of posts about the battle against poverty, your role in the battle, and some of your allies in the fight. See first post. See next post.

NAME: Sirois, M.

ALIAS: “Vatic”

D.O.B: 12/91

LOCATION: Roanoke, VA

PSYCH EVAL: Stress, anger

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION: 5’10”, brown hair, brown eyes

ABILITIES: Intuition, knowledge of electricity, resilience, mechanical skills

DETAILS OF CASE

Sirois served in the United States Navy for five years as an electrician. He was honorably discharged in February 2018. Living in Hampton Roads after discharge, he struggled to get ahead due to the high cost of living, which hindered his ability to find stable work and housing. Transitioning back to civilian life proved difficult due to the lack of supports outside of the military to aid him.

Sirois, his wife Rachel, and children XXXXXXXX and XXXXXXXX lived with extended family for a short time; they fled when the situation turned unsafe. The Siroises were homeless. Their belongings fit into the family truck and they were one month away from running out of gas money.

Sirois envisioned a better future for his family in Roanoke. They moved in November 2018 to pursue a fresh start. Teaming up with Agents XXXXXXXX and XXXXXXXX of TAP’s Veterans Services, Sirois found a house and a job that uses the skills that he picked up during his military service.

Sirois relies on his resilience, his desire to keep learning, and the support of his wife, and he has achieved successes over the past six months by harnessing these forces. He knows that the unimaginable can happen quickly, and giving up can be easy, but backing down is not an option when others rely on you. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. Sirois will do anything to avoid returning to the sense of hopelessness that defined his family’s life for almost a year. His motivation is strong, and he applies a consistent devotion to improvement to ensure they won’t go through that again.

Sirois reports feeling lucky that he came across TAP. The Veterans Services showed his family that people care, reminded him of his capabilities, and gave him the chance to prove himself. He reported that when you feel that you have nothing, sometimes all you need is an opportunity.

ENEMY: Imperceptibility

Imperceptibility renders subjects impossible to discern. Like ghosts, subjects move about unseen among people who report sensing only a vague presence of the discouragement and desperation surrounding this plight. Subjects’ pleas for help go unheard and may be ignored, producing feelings of inadequacy and weakness. These feelings can create conflict in the psyche of the subject and, at times, cause the subject to surrender to the facelessness of life as a shadow.

NOW

Sirois has a job as an electrician. He and his family agree that they are in a much better place mentally and emotionally.

Sirois achieved victory, but not without help. Your role in the battle against poverty is to contribute help, however you can. A great place to start is by making a donation to TAP below.

Meet Isobel

Posted on November 18, 2019

This is a part of a series of posts from our 2019-2020 annual report about the battle against poverty, your role in the battle, and some of your allies in the fight. See first post. See next post.

NAME: XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

ALIAS: “Aegis,” “Isobel”

CATCHPHRASE: “Today’s the time.”

D.O.B: 4/79

LOCATION: Veracruz, Mexico; Roanoke, VA

PSYCH EVAL: Depressed, hopeless, afraid

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION: Petite build, brown hair, brown eyes

ABILITIES: Resourcefulness, willpower, love for her children

DETAILS OF CASE

Isobel was married to her husband, XXXXXXXXXXXXX, for nearly 20 years. At first he was kind, and they lived happily in their home in Veracruz, Mexico. Within six months, his true colors started to show. At first the abuse was verbal, and began to escalate before Isobel became pregnant with their first child.

After her daughter was born, Isobel fled to the United States where she had family in Roanoke, Virginia. XXXXXXXXXXX followed. Isobel says he was a “changed man” for a few months, but quickly fell back into his old ways of parties, drugs, and women while she cared for their child on her own. As they had more children, XXXXXXXXXXX became more abusive, at one point holding a gun to her head and threatening to kill her.

XXXXXXXXXXXX convinced her that she couldn’t call the authorities for help because she didn’t speak English, and they wouldn’t understand her.  She tried to escape by XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX but returned for fear of her children’s safety. XXXXXXXXXXX tightened his control and ensured her dependence on him by taking her phone, car keys, money, and legal documents, and preventing her from leaving the house.

Isobel became isolated, deeply depressed, and experienced crippling fear. Unable to sleep or eat, she often locked herself in the bathroom and cried for hours. Only her love for her children gave her hope and the will to live.

According to a source, her family encouraged her for years to stay in the relationship. “When is the time?” she asked them. “When he kills me? Will that be when you tell me it’s time to leave?” Fed up, she decided “today’s the time.”

THE ENEMY: ISOLATION

Isolation is suffocating. It envelops the subject from all sides. It makes the subject feel trapped, like there’s no help to be found.

It exploits the subject’s weaknesses, creating a victim who’s lost and afraid. Worst of all, it threatens to end the subject’s fight for survival by sapping them of all hope.

NOW

Isobel now has a safe home and a small business, and her children are thriving. With the help of DVS staff, she has applied for U.S. citizenship.

Operation Vanguard

Posted on November 18, 2019

This is a part of a series of posts from our 2019-2020 annual report about the battle against poverty, your role in the battle, and some of your allies in the fight. See next post.

Two days ago, at 2307 hours, our allies intercepted encoded communications meant for ranking members of our enemy’s organization. Upon decryption, the communication yielded a date and location for a meeting of the leadership in just over a week’s time. If the information in the decoded message were true, the meeting would be an unusual step for them since they rarely risk gathering in one place.

Yesterday, one of our sources inside the enemy’s organization managed to get word to us, confirming the intercepted message’s validity. Shortly after, Artifex Circumspector reported increased activity at several locations his agents have been surveilling. He believes key leadership members will be on the move within the next two days. You need to be on ground in the area before then, which means time is of the essence.

We’ve arranged transport for you on board a supply plane. Once you land, rendezvous with Artifex Circumspector. He will brief you on any new developments on the way to meet your team. Dossiers for your team members—both before and after training—are included herein. They are tough and resourceful and have already proven themselves in recent skirmishes with the enemy.

Fifty-four years have passed since the enemy’s last full leadership meeting. Many more may pass before the next one. This could be our final chance within a generation to strike at the heart of this centuries-old foe.

Good luck, Archistrategos.

Three Myths About Volunteering at TAP Tax Clinic

Posted on November 7, 2019

Volunteering has been proven to help people feel better and improve communities, but you have to pay the bills, right? TAP Tax Clinic offers temporary paid positions too. As a paid tax preparer, you can work as many hours as you want.

Volunteering at TAP Tax Clinic

Each year, with the help of volunteers, we file over 1,000 free tax returns for low-income residents of the Roanoke Valley. Over the past 18 years, here are the three biggest barriers our volunteers have told us worried them about volunteering at Tax Clinic—and why they turned out not such a big deal!

Most people say they want to volunteer. Most also have a hard time committing. TAP’s Tax Clinic, however, has run since 2002 because some dedicated volunteers make the time and commitment to help their neighbors claim their hard-earned money each year.

Myth: I don’t know enough about tax return preparation

Most people don’t – at first. We don’t expect you to be an expert in tax law to help out. Volunteers receive training through Link & Learn Taxes, an online training program used by the IRS. Additionally, our certified tax site coordinator provides personal training to make sure you’re confident in your knowledge. Sherman Witcher, a Tax Clinic volunteer in 2019 while attending Virginia Western Community College, said “knowing almost nothing about tax return preparation, it was somewhat intimidating to dive in headfirst, but the IRS training modules are tailored to people who have little to no background.”

After moving from Ukraine in 2016, Sofiia Melnyk was a Tax Clinic client in 2018. She had no idea how the filing process worked, but decided to volunteer in order to get experience in accounting. She put in 15 hours per week at the Tax Clinic and helped over one hundred families file tax returns for free with no rejections. 

Over the almost two decades of operating the tax clinic, we’ve had many volunteers come to us with no prior experience in tax return preparation. However, each year, volunteers are able to get the training they need to help over 1,000 people file their tax returns without even a single rejection.

Myth: I don’t have enough time

We understand that schedules today are packed with work, soccer practice, making dinner, class, etc. That’s why the TAP Tax Clinic offers a training program that is online. Link & Learn Taxes is self-paced, meaning you can complete it has you find time in your day.

“With the online modules,” Witcher said, “I could easily study the material without having to drive 40 minutes from Franklin County.”

Once the training is complete and you’re ready to prepare tax returns, you can offer as much time as you want or as little time to the Tax Clinic as you are able. “I was able to build my own schedule that worked with my college classes,” said Melnyk. Every little bit helps. The Tax Clinic is open 9 AM to 4 PM every weekday between January and April 15, and we welcome any hours you can help.

Myth: I have to pay the bills

“TAP provided me competitive pay, and I was able to orient my hours to fit my schedule,” said Witcher. The number of these positions is limited, so if you’re interested, contact us today. As a bonus, you’ll learn how to file your own taxes and perhaps take advantage of credits you’re owed.

Other Benefits

Research shows that volunteering has many benefits. Aside from the benefits mentioned above, here are a few more that volunteering at the Tax Clinic offers:

Help community

This one’s obvious. TAP Tax Clinic offers free tax preparation for low-income Roanokers who may otherwise spend a majority of any refund for a paid service or may miss out on important credits. When recounting her time volunteering at the Tax Clinic, Melnyk remembered a client who was overjoyed after discovering that she didn’t owe thousands in taxes, but in fact would be receiving a refund. “There were so many people who made me feel that my volunteering time truly mattered,” Melnyk said, “It was a rewarding experience.” If you’re looking for a way to make Roanoke a better place, the Tax Clinic is a great opportunity.

Meet people & feel better

Volunteering has been proven to lower feelings of loneliness. Beyond that, a study by Indiana University’s School of Philanthropy found that volunteering lowered stress, reduced feelings of depression, and elevated mood. In fact, the study found that volunteers spend 38% fewer nights spent in the hospital.

Professional advancement

Volunteering at the TAP Tax Clinic will give you new skills and hone your knowledge of tax law. The résumé-building potential is enough for anyone to sign up. Students like Melnyk and Witcher, especially those in business, accounting, or finance, can get experience and possibly earn course credit from volunteering, and professionals can earn licensing credits. There’s opportunity for people of all skill levels. Witcher feels like the volunteer time at the Tax Clinic boosted his résumé. “I think that students should seek to distinguish themselves from their peers, and TAP is a great outlet for doing so,” he said.

For almost 20 years, the TAP Tax Clinic has been assisting families in the Roanoke Valley by providing free tax return preparation. This program is one of the most popular at TAP, helping over 1,000 people each year. If you would like to help out by volunteering or to ask about one of the paid positions at the Tax Clinic, the deadline join is December 15, 2019.

Sign up to Volunteer or Find Out More

Get involved: please call Teffany at 540-283-4916 or e-mail her at teffany.henderson@nulltapintohope.org.

Supporter Spotlight: Lawrence Thornhill

Posted on October 31, 2019

From One Veteran to Another

Lawrence Thornhill knows that sometimes the best person to help a veteran is another veteran—that’s why he’s interning with our Veterans Services while he studies for his master’s degree in social work through Rutgers University. Through his internship, Lawrence, who is a veteran himself, works directly with vets to help them with housing and employment. Recently, he chatted with us about his passion for his work and why these services are so vital to veterans.

Q: Are there any particular stories or instances where you felt like you really made a difference through your volunteer work?

A: With every veteran I talk to, I can relate to their situation. The military provides structure, and when you get out, you don’t have that structure anymore. Some people don’t know how to deal with that… I can see why [veterans] are in the situation of being homeless or jobless, so I try to relate to them and take a non-judgmental approach. It’s about motivating them and helping them to know there are people who are not going to judge them.

Every time I work with a veteran I give them my all, and try to build that rapport. I want them to know that we are here to help you get to your goals. We are going to help pick you up when you fall down because that’s what social work is all about.

Q: What good things do you see our Veterans Services doing in the community?

A: TAP’s veterans programs focus specifically on the veterans’ needs—the ones who fell on hard luck and are not where they want to be in life. Either they’re underemployed or not employed at all. Perhaps they got into drugs and other barriers that are going to hinder them from being successful. The veterans program gives them the opportunity to get their foot back into the door of society and reintegrate back into a lifestyle of being able to maintain their own household. We are there to help them all the way, to counsel them, to motivate them, to empower them to get to where they want to be and get to the point that they no longer need our support.

Q: Sometimes we have individuals who make donations to our Veterans Services. Do you think TAP’s veterans programs are a good investment, and if so, why?

A: I believe it’s a good investment because you’re absolutely helping someone who wants to reintegrate back into society. The veterans TAP is serving—it’s not like we are going out there finding them—they are coming to us asking for help to get back on their feet. It’s not just talk that will get them where they want to be, it’s having donations for the program so we can buy a veteran new boots when he starts a job, or providing a bus pass for a veteran who lost his car. Having those donations helps the program continue to help veterans get off the street, back into society, and participating in the American Dream.

Client of the Year: Bill Tynes, US Military Veteran

Posted on October 31, 2019

Bill Tynes has worked with TAP over several years to better his housing and life situation. On a recent fall morning, he sat down with our staffers to recount the story of overcoming challenges in his life, including abuse, drug addiction, and near homelessness, to later becoming a homeowner.

Growing up, Bill found himself in and out of foster homes and suffered abuse at the hands of adults in his life. He continued on to a career in the navy, but the scars of his childhood stayed with him. “Going from all that abuse and disappointment and not trusting people, that’s when I entered the realm of drug abuse, after the navy, because I thought nothing would ever work out,” he said. After two DUIs, Bill eventually lost his license.

When Bill first came to us he had managed to put his substance abuse behind him, but he had other problems at hand. The apartment where he was living was infested with mold and rats, and he was in a legal fight to get out of his lease. Bill was resourceful and smart; he represented himself successfully and was released from his lease, but he found himself virtually homeless as a result. Because he was a veteran and his living situation was not habitable, we were able to help Bill through our homeless veterans program. We provided Bill with a deposit and first month’s rent, plus some assistance with utilities, to help him get into a safe, healthy apartment.

Unfortunately, after moving into the new apartment, Bill’s troubles were not over. He was in a relationship that ended badly, and he was stalked and threatened. Bill again represented himself in court successfully and got a restraining order, but he also needed to remove himself from the environment. TAP’s Domestic Violence program was able to help Bill develop a safety plan, and also provided a deposit for him to move to a new location and get a fresh start.

After moving again, Bill’s upward trajectory really took off. We were able to connect Bill with a key contact at the Veteran’s Administration who expedited his claim for disability benefits. With the extra income, Bill took the opportunity to reinstate his license and purchase a vehicle.

In the meantime, Bill also spent two years at Virginia Western earning his associate degree in paralegal studies. “When I started college twenty-some years after high school,” Bill recalled, “I was very intimidated to try to get a degree. But I said, ‘I’m teachable. I’m willing to learn.’”

This past year, Bill returned to us for help to accomplish another goal—becoming a homeowner. We guided him through the Veterans Administration home loan process, which eventually led to him obtaining a mortgage. When the closing date came in August, Bill found himself tight on funds due to closing costs, so we covered some of his moving expenses.

Bill’s attitude toward homeownership is one of gratitude and celebration. “Going from a dysfunctional family and foster homes and addiction to owning my own home? It’s amazing! [TAP] made that possible; [TAP] connected the dots.”

Bill’s advice to other veterans in the community who are struggling? Ask for help. “If you don’t ask you will never know…TAP is a give and take program. You come to TAP and explain what you’re dealing with and they will take you on as you are and see if they have a way to help you out…With TAP there are possibilities. All you have to do is ask.”

Our programs for veterans serve former service members across 26 localities. We have helped hundreds of homeless and at-risk veterans to secure stable, safe housing and to access benefits they have earned. Please consider supporting TAP’s veterans programs with a gift today. Your support is life-changing for veterans like Bill.

TAP to Launch New Program for Women in Recovery

Posted on October 14, 2019

TAP is starting a new program for women in recovery.

Southwest Virginia is at the center of the nation’s opioid crisis. Overdose and neonatal abstinence syndrome rates far in excess of state and national averages.

Total Action for Progress (TAP) is excited to announce a new program, RESTORE (Re-employment, Support, and Training for the Opioid-Related Epidemic) Southwest Virginia. TAP is one of only five agencies in the United States to be granted funds for this program for women in recovery.

RESTORE Southwest Virginia will assist families impacted by the opioid crisis in three regions:

• Greater Roanoke,
• New River Valley
• Alleghany Highlands

The program will provide career services and job training to women in two groups:

1. Women with an opioid use disorder (OUD) who are in recovery and have progressed far enough in their recovery to where training and/or improved employment is a benefit to sustaining their recovery.
2. Women who find themselves with greater financial responsibility for sustaining a household impacted by the opioid crisis. This may include grandmothers raising grandkids or female heads of household where the father’s ability to contribute to household income is impacted by the opioid crisis.

This program is made possible by a grant from the U.S. Department of Labor—Through this grant, TAP plans to serve 120 women throughout Greater Roanoke, the New River Valley, and Alleghany Highlands.

On hand at the press conference for the announcement were Mayor Sherman Lea, City of Roanoke; Mayor Thomas Sibold, City of Covington; Senator John Edwards and other invited guests to applaud this new regional effort.

This workforce product was funded by a grant awarded by the U.S. Department of Labor’s Women’s Bureau. The product was created by the grantee and does not necessarily reflect the official position of the U.S. Department of Labor. The U.S. Department of Labor makes no guarantees, warranties, or assurances of any kind, express or implied, with respect to such information, including any information on linked sites and including, but not limited to, accuracy of the information or its completeness, timeliness, usefulness, adequacy, continued availability, or ownership. This product is copyrighted by the institution that created it.  RESTORE is 100% funded by a $500,000 federal grant from the Department of Labor.

TAP Presents New Legacy Award to George Kegley

Posted on October 2, 2019

We are excited to present a new award at our 2019 Annual Lunch: the Legacy Award. It will be presented to Mr. George Kegley of Roanoke. We congratulate him on this recognition and thank him for his tireless service to our community.

About Mr. Kegley

Kegley spent 44 years as a journalist for The Roanoke Times, first as a general assignment reporter and then as a business writer. A fixture of the community, Mr. Kegley was also heavily involved in volunteering throughout his professional career, and has been a “full-time volunteer” since his retirement in 1993.

In 1950, after writing an article about the opening of the local Red Cross center, Mr. Kegley became a blood donor and has since donated 60 gallons, one pint at a time. In addition, he and his wife Louise have been involved with the Historical Society of Western Virginia since it was founded in 1957, including Mr. Kegley serving as president and board member.

In 1988, Mr. Kegley helped to establish the Roanoke Valley Preservation Foundation, of which he still serves as a board member. Further, Mr. and Mrs. Kegley donated a large easement on their 116-acre farm to the Virginia Outdoors Foundation & Department of Historic Resources, the first conservation easement within Roanoke City limits.

Mr. Kegley also spends his time organizing summer camps and camping trips for inner-city children, teaching Sunday school and participating in other activities at St. Mark’s Lutheran Church, and editing the monthly Virginia Lutheran and quarterly insert for a national Lutheran magazine.

He has also been a long-time volunteer with Meals on Wheels, spent more than 18 years volunteering at the RAM House, and worked to improve the lives of refugees in the Roanoke Valley for more than 40 years. Mr. Kegley likes to tell people that “volunteerism is like quicksand—the more you do, the more involved you get with the people you are working with, and the more interested you are.”

Supporter Spotlight: Q&A with Suzanne Thorniley

Posted on September 30, 2019

Suzanne Thorniley, a licensed therapist trained in domestic violence work, is a supporter of TAP’s Domestic Violence Services (DVS) and has volunteered with the program for the past eight years. Her passion for the work of DVS is contagious. Recently, we had the opportunity to talk with Suzanne and reflect on her experience with the program.

Q: How did you first become aware of TAP’s Domestic Violence Services?

A: I had moved here from West Virginia and was waiting for my clinical social work license to be transferred here, and in the meantime I wanted to keep my skills honed. I had been trained in DVS work in West Virginia and thought it would be a good idea to volunteer as a therapist until my license transferred. I started volunteering eight years ago and have watched this program grow and deepen and strengthen over those eight years.

…I’m there [usually] one day a week. The staff members always thank me for being there; they are so gracious—there’s always a smile, always someone to chat with. Although I’m not officially on the staff I feel so appreciated and so much a part of the team.

Q: What good things do you see TAP’s DVS doing for our community?

A: I watch the staff being devoted to [mostly] women and families when they are in crisis. The staff members are on the front lines—they are there, available 24 hours a day, knowledgeable and sensitive. They are there when victims that then become survivors need them.

They also educate and reach out to the community. In October there’s lots of education in the community to build awareness. Most of the community still would choose to hold a blind eye to family violence because people don’t really want to know the dangerous situations that many families are living in. DVS keeps chipping away at that and continuing to try to broaden awareness in the community. When the community is more aware, the more support these individuals will have.

Q: Why do you personally support DVS?

A: I’m skilled in this area, and it’s really important to me to be involved and engaged. I feel like this is a place where I can truly make a difference and I believe I do. DVS has allowed me to do that. They’ve given me the opportunity to be flexible with my schedule. I want to support them in the ways that are most effective.

Q: If someone were considering making a donation to DVS, what would you want them to know?

A: The program always needs resources; there will probably continue to be funding cuts and there are several specific areas that will need continued support such as legal assistance, help with bills, and help with transportation. As a donor and as a philanthropist I would want to contribute to those areas of greatest need.

Click here to find out how you can become a TAP supporter like Suzanne.

Myths around domestic violence

Posted on September 30, 2019

How abusers blame their victims, manipulate the system, & how we can stop it

Myths around domestic violence are alive and well. Whether it comes from an innate sense of justice or from watching shows like Law & Order: SVU, a fundamental belief in our society seems to be that eventually all abusers get caught—and get rightfully punished. But most people don’t know how much abusers can do to intimidate, torment, and harass their victims, even after police intervene.

Domestic violence is almost always worse than it seems because abusers are the worst of humanity: they’re great manipulators who find loopholes, muddy the waters wherever they can, and keep whole families isolated, terrified, and unable to live up to their potential.

What Experts See

We asked a group of local domestic violence advocates what the TV shows get wrong, and how we can all do a better job of holding abusers to account. They shared their stories with us anonymously, as they work closely with survivors whose lives are actively in danger.

The group agreed the biggest difference between TV procedural dramas and real life is the sheer number of opportunities abusers have created to manipulate the systems meant to stop them.

One advocate told the story of a client, “who had been physically wounded, and when law enforcement arrived, she was upset, having been attacked. However, her abuser remained very calm once police were on-scene, and because the victim was verbally aggressive to the abuser, she was initially arrested as the aggressor. While she waited to post bond, her abuser filed for a protective order. She returned to her own apartment—which was in her name, and not her abuser’s!—and was arrested for violating the protective order when she arrived home in her own apartment!”

That abuser instantly grasped the opportunity to use his victim’s completely human and understandable reaction against her in that moment. Because of his quick thinking, it didn’t matter whether his initial claim that he was the one who had been attacked was unsupported by the evidence—he was able to completely turn the tables on his victim with his clever legal maneuvering.

Another advocate told us, “I had a client whose abusive husband was ordered to leave her home and was successful in filing for and obtaining a protective order. One night shortly after that, she saw him on her property and called 9-1-1. Police arrived and found the husband on the scene and arrested him. However, he beat the charges because there was no documentation he had been served with the protective order.”

Abusers do everything they can to make a survivor’s life hell during the court process. They know that by purposefully missing court dates or using legal delaying tactics to drag out the proceedings, they make it even more difficult for survivors to get justice. This is especially true when abusers know their victims have kids to take care of and have difficulty arranging time off of work or transportation to court. One advocate’s client wants to face her abuser in court; while awaiting her chance, though, she’s had to make seven different trips to court in order to file for protective orders and charges after the abuser assaulted her. Another advocate added that her client had recently lost her job because her supervisor felt she had become unreliable due to the absences caused by her court dates.

They do everything they can to shield themselves

Some abusers try playing nice and attempt to make up with their victims while charges are pending—counting on having the confusing leverage of asking someone who loves them not to put them in jail or not to put their children’s dad in jail. Others make threats against their victims. Many use the courtroom to suggest that they are a source of stability for their families or that they are too valuable to send to jail. They often show up to court in nice suits, talk about the ways they work hard to support their families financially, and try to make us ask ourselves, “What will happen to this family without this financial support?” They do everything they can to shield themselves, to get us focused on the victims in the hopes we’ll forget there was ever a violent incident in the first place.

Myths around domestic violence

Abusers often try to use the effects of trauma—which has been shown to cause a wide range of effects from depression and sadness to anger and irritability, or from denial to self-medication through substance use—as a way to cast doubt. They try to spin the signs of trauma they inflicted as proof a victim is unreliable. To abusers, any kind of emotional reaction in a survivor can represent an opportunity, and they are relentless in trying to make the situation look more complicated than it is. Each question they make us answer about anything other than their abusive actions is a calculated distraction. It can work when advocates fail to recognize the signs of exposure to trauma and chronic stress as stemming from the violence.

Loopholes abusers commonly exploit are systemic

The issues and loopholes abusers commonly exploit are systemic. Real life doesn’t play out like a tightly scripted 42-minute drama with scheduled commercial breaks. We know it’s not TV. We can’t hold every single abuser to full account for their crimes.

How we can help

But while we won’t catch each abuser, or stop every single instance of abuse, we can start by making sure we don’t accomplish their goals for them. We can do a better job making sure accountability for abuse belongs to abusers and stop asking unproductive, victim-blaming questions. If we start with the right questions, we can give survivors the tools they need to get justice and move on with their lives as the healthy, productive, stable families that their abusers try so hard to stop them from being.

We can start being more supportive

We can start being more supportive in the questions we ask survivors of abuse to answer for. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with you?” we can get better results by asking, “What happened to you?”

Find out more about our Domestic Violence Services program here.

Becoming a Trauma-Informed Practice

A trauma informed practice is defined as an organizational structure and treatment framework that involves understanding, recognizing, and responding to the effects of all types of trauma. Trauma Informed Practice also emphasizes physical, psychological and emotional safety for both patients and providers, and helps survivors rebuild a sense of control and empowerment. Find out more: https://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacy-and-policy/aap-health-initiatives/resilience/Pages/Becoming-a-Trauma-Informed-Practice.aspx

Seven things to know about TAP Books

Posted on September 13, 2019

How does this new book donation program work? Check out these answers to some frequently asked questions about TAP Books!

How can I donate my books?

Books can be donated by simply dropping them off at one of several convenient locations. A full list of drop-off points can be found at tapintohope.org/books.

What does TAP Books do with the donations?

TAP Books helps turn used books into stable revenue for TAP programs, gives free books to people in need, and creates jobs in our community.

What kinds of books does TAP Books want?

We take all kinds of books, new and old, for any age group.

Are there books that TAP Books does not want?

We’ll take anything, and there’s no need to sort or filter your donation. We are, however, less interested in donations of magazines, encyclopedia sets, or books in very poor condition.

How do participants in TAP programs benefit?

TAP programs issue vouchers for books, including children’s books, to our clients for them to select books to share with their families. We also put together book bags that are occasionally distributed to TAP families, and take donated books to prison libraries.

Does TAP resell donated books? Where?

TAP Books sells books through various online marketplaces such as Amazon and eBay and through occasional pop-up sales. The proceeds are then used to support TAP programs

How does TAP Books create jobs?

It takes a lot of labor to gather, process, and sell book donations. A majority of the revenue from TAP Books goes into the paychecks of our employees to help them support their families. Where possible, we give employment opportunities to participants in TAP programs.

Still have questions? Get more information about TAP Books by visiting tapintohope.org/books or calling 540.358.1079.