Author: Aaron Fallon

Mentoring Can Make the Difference

Posted on April 21, 2022

Some of Fred Rogers’ most well-known advice for young kids is to “look for the helpers” when they feel overwhelmed. And these days, after the turmoil and social disconnection of the last several years, kids can’t have enough helpers to turn to. If you’d like to become a helper in your community, now is the perfect time to start, as TAP is recruiting mentors for our youth programs. Mentoring young people is one of the easiest ways to get involved—and make a big difference.

CAN WE PREVENT VIOLENCE IN OUR COMMUNITY?

The risks can be high for young people coming of age in the current environment. The City of Roanoke Gun Violence Prevention Commission recently published the “Roanoke Youth and Gang Violence Community Assessment – Final Report.” The findings suggest a climate of unease and show a shared sense that violence is rising.

Digging into the assessment is revealing. Although a low number of youth/student respondents indicated they are in gangs, those who are cited social motivations as reasons for joining. Other commonly cited reasons were “to make money,” “for protection,” and “for fun.” As the assessment notes on page nine, “Gang culture for these participants provides both emotional and material fulfillment.” Knowing this, we must envision non-violent ways to offer young people the same kinds of connections for social support, fun activities, and avenues to good jobs.

And the youth themselves said as much. When asked what they thought was the best way to prevent violence and gang activity, their top responses were “more jobs for young people,” “more activities for youth to do after school,” and “free individual counseling at schools or community agencies.” Interestingly, both community members and community leaders cited mentoring as one of their top solutions to reduce gang problems in the community. In fact, it was the most common solution cited after “increased parenting time,” and “more jobs for young people.”

HOW DOES TAP HELP?

Our Housing and Human Services component supports people who have experienced trauma, including many types of violence. Working with trauma survivors, we’ve learned that one-on-one mentoring and group mentoring can be huge assets when people want to change their lives. We know mentoring can’t replace parents or create jobs out of thin air. However, it increases social connections and expands support networks, which can help youth emotionally, developmentally, and professionally. Nicole Ross, TAP’s family mentor coordinator, has worked in the mentoring field since 2011. In her experience, a mentor “can give young people the support they’re lacking” at a critical moment. This is true no matter the focus of the activity.

When asked what makes a good mentor, Ms. Nicole—as the kids call her—is quick to point out that it’s not professional skills or expertise that makes a good mentor. “First thing is a passion for young people—to step into their life and make a difference. You need to be a good listener and have patience,” she says. “But most of all, just having a good spirit.” She says showing up consistently is one of the most important traits a mentor can have.

MAKE THE DIFFERENCE

If you think you might make a good mentor, please consider sharing your time with the community. We’re recruiting group mentors for our summer activities, which range from arts and crafts sessions to STEM activities and beyond.

“If you can commit to spending quality time, and follow through, you’ll make a great mentor,” Ms. Nicole says.

You can make a difference in your community, and in the lives of your young neighbors. We can help you take the next step. To learn more, donate time, or help fund activities, contact Nicole Ross at 540.354.2212 or Nicole.ross@nulltapintohope.org.

Supervised Visitation Helps Kids Grow

Posted on March 25, 2022

Edward is passionate and outspoken about parenting. When he talks about his son, his face brightens and the love he has for his son is clear. There is also an unmistakable determination in how he talks about being a part of his son’s life—something he almost missed out on completely.

Instead, Sabrina’ Place gives parents a chance to show up. What Edward did with that chance was incredible. He used the supervised visitation and safe exchange services Sabrina’s Place offers as a place to start.

Edward’s son was born in 2018, but he and his son’s mother didn’t stay together.

By 2019 their relationship had become strained. She suggested that she would pursue full custody of their child, which could have meant Edward might not see his son again. The two went to court to settle the question of custody and visitation rights. There was, at that point, a very real chance that Edward would be cut out of his son’s life entirely.

The court suggested the option of supervised visitation while the custody process played out. Initially, the court ordered up to 24 hours a year of supervised visitation for Edward and suggested several supervised visitation programs. Sabrina’s Place was the only free program on the list, so Edward called and scheduled his first visit.

Somewhere to Start

Visitation is just the beginning, of course. It’s not the same as having time at home or taking your kid to the park.

It wasn’t as much time as Edward wanted. But, as he says, “It was a start. And Sabrina’s Place laid the foundation to let me go from 24 hours each year to where I am now, having custody every other weekend.”

Sabrina’s Place is, first and foremost, about safety. Edward appreciated that Sabrina’s Place takes some of the pressures off the visits, knowing that visits will be safe and free of any kind of confrontation. Parents don’t even have to negotiate the rules of the visit—the program takes on a lot of the logistical work. Sabrina’s Place allowed Edward to relax and focus on building a healthy relationship with his kid. “It’s the perfect place to start for any parent if you want to be in your kid’s life…it’s also a safe environment to focus on your child,” he says.

Being There and Being Part of Their Life

When asked about parenting in general, Edward is quick to point out two elements that he views as necessary. “First you need to show up,” he says. But he also believes that “you need to play your role—to be a parent.” Looking back at his first few years of fatherhood, he says, “I’m learning your child will always love you if you play your part. They’ll know their Daddy was there.” The national Supervised Visitation Network agrees. They suggest that “unless special circumstances exist, children generally fare best when they have the emotional and financial support and ongoing involvement of both parents.” Edward was ready to play the part fully, and Sabrina’s Place opened the door for him and his son to have that important relationship.

Melody Robinson, Sabrina’s Place Coordinator, says that Edward is a great example of what the program is there to do. She also acknowledges that the court process is complicated. Discouraged parents can stop trying to be part of their kids’ lives. “It was a big mountain Edward had to climb,” she says. “And he did it.”

“You gotta start somewhere,” Edward says. “And you can’t give up. You can’t force families to stay together, but you can put in the effort to be in your kid’s life.” Sabrina’s Place is there to help parents do just that, and take some of the uncertainty out of the process. This way, parents like Edward can focus on the most important part of their lives—their children.